This blog entry presents a taste of the Cycling Curmudgeon™ style of writing pervasive in my older blog at LaJollaVelo.com. I'm older and grumpier now, so I don't think I've lost my touch in that area. I'll briefly present guidelines for new and experienced fans of cycling, then share my experiences—related to these two guidelines—that make me yell out loud at my TV or computer...because, of course, the amount of spectator yelling is the ultimate measure of how exciting any sport really is. I know several experienced cyclists who have been bike racing fans for years who still break these rules, so I'm not too concerned that I'm sharing something you already know.
Let's start with the spoiler. This is the act of sharing information about any show or event that others do NOT want to know yet. Some people are living real lives in real time that may require the recording and LATER viewing of a show or event. This is especially common in the cycling world because most of the events occur in Europe on European time. So when we Americans go out for a club ride in the morning, those of us who do not suffer from insomnia or extreme obsession with the sport have not yet seen that day's race.
To make things worse, there are so many new ways for people to spoil the surprise for everyone else: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and for cyclists...Strava. Strava tracks our mileage for us and adds a "social" aspect to tracking and sharing runs and rides, allowing you to comment within your day's ride narrative about that "awesome victory by Peter Sagan" that morning, for example. In a face-to-face situation, I can politely tell the person who's about to share the day's race result to STFU. Unfortunately, on Strava or Twitter, I've read the result before I can stop. I can't unread it. That's when the "yelling out loud" starts....cursing at the phone/computer and my friend who just ruined the surprise "awesome sprint" finish to a race that I would have MUCH rather watched without already knowing who won.
Now you know rule #1: Don't talk about race results of the day on social media. And if you're "live" with your friends on the road or at the coffee shop, start your exciting monologue about the day's race with the question, "Have you all seen today's race?" and LISTEN to the answers. If your buddies haven't seen the race, just stop at something like, "Check it out...it was great."
To make things worse, there are so many new ways for people to spoil the surprise for everyone else: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and for cyclists...Strava. Strava tracks our mileage for us and adds a "social" aspect to tracking and sharing runs and rides, allowing you to comment within your day's ride narrative about that "awesome victory by Peter Sagan" that morning, for example. In a face-to-face situation, I can politely tell the person who's about to share the day's race result to STFU. Unfortunately, on Strava or Twitter, I've read the result before I can stop. I can't unread it. That's when the "yelling out loud" starts....cursing at the phone/computer and my friend who just ruined the surprise "awesome sprint" finish to a race that I would have MUCH rather watched without already knowing who won.
Now you know rule #1: Don't talk about race results of the day on social media. And if you're "live" with your friends on the road or at the coffee shop, start your exciting monologue about the day's race with the question, "Have you all seen today's race?" and LISTEN to the answers. If your buddies haven't seen the race, just stop at something like, "Check it out...it was great."
See the professional athletes in this photo, trying to do their job? Can you also see all the a-holes putting the athletes' health and race results at risk by not giving them enough room to do their job? (Photo credit: The Guardian)
Moving on to rule #2... If you're lucky enough to be at a live bike race, give the athletes some room to do their jobs, even if the course marshals or Gendarmes aren't forcing you to step back. You're going to underestimate the riders' speed, and you don't necessarily know which part of the road they will want to ride on. Getting in the way or having your camera strap catch their handlebars can cause a terrible crash. So why not get off the road (Rule #2) and watch from the curb? The riders are sure to stay off the curb unless one of the witless members of the motorcade bumps them off the road. The photo above and this article from Richard Williams of the Guardian help illustrate this rule. As you can guess, my loudest yelling at the TV comes when there's an awesome sprint ("go! go! go!"), a horrible crash ("oh no!"), or a herd of selfish, idiotic fans that feel like they have to be part of the race by getting further and further into the road ("get out of the way!), sometimes rationalizing this stupid idea by claiming some other moron on the road was blocking their view. (Tip: Tell that other moron to get TF off the road.)
I'm interested in attending the public flogging of the idiots who think it's a good idea to bring smoke bombs/flares to bike races where the cyclists are constantly out of breath even when the air is fresh.
Two rules should be plenty for my rudimentary blog for people with short attention spans about being a good cycling spectator. But for sh*ts & giggles I'll also mention Rule #3 because—as we've seen from the results of the 2016 presidential election—people are stupid and selfish. Rule #3 reads as follows: "Do not bring smoke bombs to bike races." WTF? Do we really need to say that? Yes. Thankfully some of the race organizers are banning them, but just like the 3-foot law (aka the "Three Feet for Safety Act") in California, you might never actually see it enforced. Well here we go...I'm yelling at the idiots waving smoke bombs on my TV again ("shove that god**m thing up your a**!"). Ah, what a great sport. ∎
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